Sunday, August 5, 2012

Encase You Ever Wonder Too.......The Story of the Lion

Some days the feeling that someone has been reading my mail- and reading my mind  creeps over me as I wonder how is it that everything I read that day seems to be threaded together w/ common theme and similar tone; the words in the Bible text, the book on the night stand, the blog of the lady I heard of, the email from a friend, the magazine at the doctor's office.   And I, taking all of the gathered words and announcing to myself a grand meaning, a hidden message unfolded, a clue to answering my questions, a loving Father reaching to me.  But, somewhere in a simmering corner of my heart....I wonder.....am I creating my own conversations with Him, or is He deliberately dialoguing with me? 

The word of God is like that....leaping from the crumpled page straight to heart and straight to soul; alive, miraculous, igniting a moment, just waiting to be believed on, but true whether we do, or not. 


And when I have watered the thicket where I pray with tears and the breeze has lifted and carried the sobs away, He asks me, "What did you come out here to see?" I don't have to pause for the answer
because I know I am there to hear Him, to see Him.  Is He really there, does He really hear me and answer back to me?  And I know a believer of these many years should know the answer to this........really does know, but wants to be reminded and to be affirmed.  Especially when the stakes seem high.

And when it's been days and I don't  understand the waiting or I can't comprehend the plan He has, my confidence wanes in the "I heards" and "I think God said" and I wonder, "Am I just a pretender after all?"  Is that voice that sounds like calm waters to me, really His?  Can I count on what I think I hear or is it all a dream created by a dreamer who so desperately wants a God that is always there inside my head with me?

I walk a bit further around the circular path thinking these thoughts, praying these prayers, asking those questions, wiping my tears;  angry, sad, longing.  I want to know for sure (again) ----today because there are big questions on my mind.

Setting sun peaks through the pine trees all orange like the few over ripe-peaches on the trees here, too high to pluck, and I walk around the trail again, my prayers entering that runner's stride.....The sadness lifts up and away and my mind focusing on thoughts that seem to come from somewhere deep within...that stride when your thoughts seem to become His thoughts too.  To faraway lands His power goes out, and to people down the street, and I thank Him for today and for the breeze that quenches the August heat, if but a little bit.  Now lifting away worry, His peace banishing the tension....it melts as if it were only butter in the pan.  How is this even possible for a worrisome girl of 45 years?.....so used to the ruts her mind walks in.  


And then it began to happen. Around the south curve I prayed for a lion; a beast of courage and strength.  I prayed that lion-hearted courage would come to us and to our household head.  I prayed for the days I saw coming, that a lion's heart of courage would emerge in our home and in our circumstance and in this unique time for "us".  I prayed it for the one of us who leads our household...this husband of mine, this daddy of theirs.   Passing through the west curve, the sun hanging lower still and into the north curve I breezed, until just entering the east curve I heard a loud "ROAR"!  Hands flailing, startled from someone jumping from the tangled hedge of saw briar and honeysuckle vine.  I was startled, he was laughing at such a perfectly frightened reaction.  I pointed to him with "prophet's" palm and asked, "What are you?" But I already knew.  He roared again and held up menacing "paws"--- and I called out, "What are you?"  And his response answered those myriad of questions that had swelled to bursting, yet did nothing more than float away in His presence.  Is God inside my head with  me, listening, dialoguing, leading, guiding?  He answers me with one response from beside the honeysuckle vine;  "A Lion!"
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---------On our journey towards adoption we've anxiously waited to understand God's plan and course of action to take.  Reviewing agencies, researching grants and fundraising, searching through orphan files for those that might look like Drains, some days  feeling like we've not taken even one step closer to the children we "see" in our minds eye.  But, God is  leading and I, letting go to fall into His plans whatever and where ever they take us.
Us getting finger printed for adoption through the state, but later feel lead towards international adoption. 



Thanks to all who've encouraged us in some way this week. I'm thinking of some who've commented on this blog and written notes on face book or email.  Some have shared their stories and helped me sort through.  I'm thinking of you all.   It may seem small to you, but is enormous to us. ! ♥

2 comments:

  1. praying for you...He alone knows the path and as you keep in before you in all things, surely He will lead you to the other Drains. All things are possible with God.

    love the fingerprinting picture ;-)
    xoxo
    Kimmie
    mama to 8
    one homemade and 7 adopted

    ReplyDelete
  2. Awe! Love hearing from you today sister of my heart! Yes, all things are possible-- and how good it is to be encouraged in that.

    ReplyDelete

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