Saturday, January 12, 2013

What I'm Learning in Adoption Classes

Six times I have carried a child.  Twice my baby was swept away in darkness and in mystery, never to be seen or known here.  Four times sons have emerged from my body and were wrapped in our love embrace and we've yet to let them go from it.  Every need we attended to, every whim we have carefully considered since their arrivals.  We are attached to them and them to us.... it's all pretty solid by  now. 

Some days ago we were in a class for prospective adoptive and foster parents and our teacher put it like this took the poetic, wondrous beauty of  this thing and just scribbled it out on a dry erase board.  She wrote:   How Attachment Develops.  And all the lovely, poured out, gushing love was explained like this:   
 She tells us all that from our birth, this cycle begins and continues on throughout childhood.  Baby knows to cry out when it is hungry or uncomfortable, and when things are right, a loving parent responds and this attachment bond grows and grows. But, when these cries go chronically unmet, critical developments are missed, a child spends most of it's time in a state of tension and life can go awry in terrible ways that can follow a child through life.  Imagine all the children in our world that are suffering; untrusting, unloved, unattached because of  parents or caregivers unwilling or unable to meet their needs. They languish in a state of tension our teacher said. 

   I imagine that when we were babies way back when, we got it all right.  We cried and were fedWe cried and were changed, and we bonded to our parents as it should be.  There weren't a myriad of needs surfacing in our lives, and those that arose were quickly met again and again and again.  I can think of only a few:  I'm hungry, I'm in pain, I'm scared, I'm wet, or I'm uncomfortable in some way.  But, imagine the plethora of needs we have as a "re-born" called a Christian-- and God getting rightful place as our Dad...our "main caregiver".

 Now the needs are diverse:  I'm scared, I'm worried about 100 things a day, I'm insecure, I'm penniless, I'm jealous, depressed, downcast, I'm angry, confused, bored, overwhelmed, tempted, tried, unemployed, sick, bogged down, dying, I'm failing, without vision, without hope,  I'm not enough, I'm sidetracked, bitter, I'm lonely, and drowning.  Oh so many opportunities to circle the cycle of attachment and bond with our God if we will only do like we once did........ let our tension drive us to that old familiar cry-- and do it loudly if necessary.   And don't just cry, but be sure and aim your childlike wail straight at your Father...your dear Abba and let Him relieve the tension, meet the need and ease your weary mind into the place of relaxation and peace where you belong. That's where we all belong, you know? 
 I have a lot of bonding to do and loads of opportunity to do it in. And my Dad deserves my trust.

 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 What an awesome invitation, right?!...  To be "attached" to God....oh yes....may the cycle continue in all of us.



    in terms of adoption and attachment:

    I find that each child heart holds the wounds and trauma from adoption differently. some bury it deep, some manifest lots of wounds that occasionally bleed (almost unnoticed), others scream out from their wounds and their behaviors are on the wild side, hard to ignore and seem too big. but He is always the answer, the solution and the one who will guide us to their wholeness.

    But I have learned with 7 children come to me through this wonder of adoption, that came from the Father's heart way before you or I ever even "were."
    ...that the Holy Spirit doesn't call us to this to leave us in the midst of our parenting each child. When we call out to Him, when we seek Him (and His wisdom, which is much greater than ANYTHING this world offers-HE IS OUR BEST COUNSEL, the Word clearly tells us this)...that He gives us His Spirit and the healing touches that will bring wholeness to each of these orphans He has called us to love.

    easy, no. hard, yes. worth it all...most definitely, because we are living not by sight, but by faith. we live not for ourselves, but to bring honor and glory to His name. with Him all things are possible and as we seek Him, He comes and brings us the Light and help we need when everything seems to be too big and too dark for us alone.

    thankfully we are never alone- He promises to walk with us and help us always.

    adoption is not just the paperwork, the books we read, the classes we take; it is the life we surrender to God and wait with anticipation for Him to walk us closer and closer to His heart, to wholeness and to being better Light holders to this world. adoption is rescue, it is redemption, but it is so much more, because it is wrapped in the perfect love that comes straight from our Father's heart.

    I love adoption, it is my call, it is my life. I am passionate about it and with His help I will live it out to His glory for all of my days. retirement for my Knight and I is in heaven...and I am thankful for not only the challenge that comes with that, but the grace that also is freely given to us to live it out fully.

    mama to 8
    one homemade and 7 adopted

  2. Fully gathered into my basket of golden words today. Thank you for time spent here with me and for words to light the way a bit better. ♥ You are so very dear.

  3. Amazing
    Post! I love it. Your gift with words is a blessing. :)

  4. So glad you were here, Dalyn! Thanks for the encouragment. ♥


Thanks for sharing a minute or two with me. Your comments are much appreciated.