Saturday, January 12, 2013
What I'm Learning in Adoption Classes
Six times I have carried a child. Twice my baby was swept away in darkness and in mystery, never to be seen or known here. Four times sons have emerged from my body and were wrapped in our love embrace and we've yet to let them go from it. Every need we attended to, every whim we have carefully considered since their arrivals. We are attached to them and them to us.... it's all pretty solid by now.
Some days ago we were in a class for prospective adoptive and foster parents and our teacher put it like this; took the poetic, wondrous beauty of this thing and just scribbled it out on a dry erase board. She wrote: How Attachment Develops. And all the lovely, poured out, gushing love was explained like this:
She tells us all that from our birth, this cycle begins and continues on throughout childhood. Baby knows to cry out when it is hungry or uncomfortable, and when things are right, a loving parent responds and this attachment bond grows and grows. But, when these cries go chronically unmet, critical developments are missed, a child spends most of it's time in a state of tension and life can go awry in terrible ways that can follow a child through life. Imagine all the children in our world that are suffering; untrusting, unloved, unattached because of parents or caregivers unwilling or unable to meet their needs. They languish in a state of tension our teacher said.
I imagine that when we were babies way back when, we got it all right. We cried and were fed. We cried and were changed, and we bonded to our parents as it should be. There weren't a myriad of needs surfacing in our lives, and those that arose were quickly met again and again and again. I can think of only a few: I'm hungry, I'm in pain, I'm scared, I'm wet, or I'm uncomfortable in some way. But, imagine the plethora of needs we have as a "re-born" child....now called a Christian-- and God getting rightful place as our Dad...our "main caregiver".
Now the needs are diverse: I'm scared, I'm worried about 100 things a day, I'm insecure, I'm penniless, I'm jealous, depressed, downcast, I'm angry, confused, bored, overwhelmed, tempted, tried, unemployed, sick, bogged down, dying, I'm failing, without vision, without hope, I'm not enough, I'm sidetracked, bitter, I'm lonely, and drowning. Oh so many opportunities to circle the cycle of attachment and bond with our God if we will only do like we once did........ let our tension drive us to that old familiar cry-- and do it loudly if necessary. And don't just cry, but be sure and aim your childlike wail straight at your Father...your dear Abba and let Him relieve the tension, meet the need and ease your weary mind into the place of relaxation and peace where you belong. That's where we all belong, you know?
I have a lot of bonding to do and loads of opportunity to do it in. And my Dad deserves my trust.
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
What an awesome invitation, right?!... To be "attached" to God....oh yes....may the cycle continue in all of us.