Wednesday, August 22, 2012

What He Really Needs

He said, "I need a Chinese water stone", used to sharpen the blades of knifes, scissors, hedge clippers, machetes,  and axes, etc.  Why a boy of 11 needs to sharpen all of these things remains a mystery to me.  Do we even own a machete?  

He said, "I almost have enough money saved to buy an ax."  I wonder what does a boy this size do with an ax?  He says, "I will cut down trees that I can use for stuff". Since there is no ax here (yet) he and his brother have gone out to saw down a small tree for bow making.

Last week he said he needed a roll of black string; he was making a net to trap animals with (we buy our meat from the store!).  He needed a piece of wood.  He was making a net making tool.  Always he needs new and curious things to work out what he's been working on within. 

net making tool and card

He's just this little boy with a big hat and bigger thirst for bringing his imagination to reality every day.

I felt Him nudge me as I thought of my son; nudged about imagination and the way in which I use mine, or don't.  I've never liked it much....didn't have many  little girl dreams,  didn't "get" the dreamers of this world, didn't read fiction ( a waste of time, I thought)   A teacher once coined it, "The Theater of Your Mind".   When my son's imagination engages, I can only imagine that he is the greatest hunter ever beheld; trapping wild game, shooting the 12 point buck, trapping the craftiest bobcat, raccoon, and possum, catching the leviathan of fish. Only occasionally does he have to scale back his assault when he inadvertently snags a goat by the hoof, or the biggest catch of all, the day he caught his father while he brush hogged the pine thicket.  Quickly a request was made to remove all high hanging snares that could possibly endanger inadvertent human prey.  (Dad was able to stop the tractor in time to save his hand).  There is no hiding what exploits he's dreaming of  as it all spills out around here in visible heaps.  

A couple of years accumulated Christmas gift--live traps

 So the idea that HE would like ME (and maybe You too) to dream and imagine is new and bewildering--- and not just a little exciting.  And I have been doing it....doing the work of a dreamer, blowing the dust off of the imagination station and seeing big things.  

When I was very small I had one memorable dream...I imagined having a pony of my own.  When I was 39 years old a woman from out east called to inquire on purchasing sheep from our farm.  In the course of the conversations, she, a Christian, felt lead of God to give me a gift.  She sent a photograph .

Why would a complete stranger want to give such a gift?  It had been more than 35 years since I had dreamed the dream of having one.........and I didn't ask for a registered Welsh pony of such quality.  I only  wanted a pony. 

I tried to trade the woman, my sheep for this animal, but she would not have it.  She said a gift is not paid for, it is given.  In the end, she purchased our sheep and delivered this beautiful pony to our farm.  I don't ride him, yet I enjoy his presence like no other animal I've ever had.  I hug him, I brush him, I watch him run with this glory that is unearthly.   I imagined and He supplied.  

So, these days of imagining and day dreaming, I'm asking Him to supply even the dreams and let me see in my  mind's eye what He has for me .  I'm asking that He won't let me shrink down His plans, not dowse His flames, not limit Him and me.   And I think that what He is working within will have their day, will have their moment in the sun like my son's secret thoughts revealed in real time and real life.  Never had it occurred to me to ask the Almighty for imagination until the day He invited me to. 

And I made the statement at the start, "What He Really Needs" and I pause thinking.  Until right now, I'm not really sure.  Until now I didn't know that I needed it too.  He needs to stay there, right where he is.  Stay in the place where he broods over the well spring that his dreams flow up from, that place of wonder that is God's. 

And lastly, I will add that today we brought home an ax from the farmer's co-op.  He saved enough.  We chopped down a tree.  He is going to "use it for stuff".   And I am going to see where my imagination takes me as well.  ;)  Takes me away into His will.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Sentimentality; Please Excuse me, I'm a Momma :)

Something just happened on this Monday morning, August 20, 2012.  It happens everyday, it's true, but this morning I grabbed the camera and started shooting because life is moving along quickly and I am sometimes just a stunned bystander trying to take in the action, absorb these flying moments.

 He headed out the door, armed with a new Fender amplifier that he bought from a college student needing cash last evening, his guitar, a backpack with a few school supplies, and keys hanging from his teeth.  

He loads his things, keys still dangling and laughs at me watching him, snapping pictures. 

He gives me a "crazy, exaggerated smile" cause he knows I will laugh and he heads off to town to start his senior year in high school.   His third year of school away from school at home.  God had a different plan for him and a "follower" follows His plan. 

He drove away as I watched him from inside. 

 Last week we were playing at the lake w/ friends....... three of the boys and me.

Yesterday, we were driving to church, four of them and me and  Dad.  How good it is to all be together under the roof of one vehicle; if only for a short time more.  

This oldest one (back seat, left) will start college again in only days, and younger ones will pull their books off of shelves at home.  And these rhythms will continue their rhymes another season long.  And I will enjoy the blessings and reach after the challenges and give it all to Him time and again.  

And I can't help but think today of the children  He has placed in our hearts. The ones we hope to hold through adoption.  I am reaching for hands I've never before held, searching for eyes I have not yet looked into, and asking Jesus for the way to them and for the time to come.  Because when I turn back to photograph the faces in the car seats behind me, I imagine that there are  faces missing.  And I long to fill those seats and fill my lens with all God has.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

On Hearing and Being........

My cousin, Cetreda, who is a Jesus loving woman, shared this video on FB yesterday.  I purposed to save it for a post on Sunday.  It will pull you deep in if you let it....  Enjoy as you read.oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo And I'm thinking, "there it is again"....those words beckoning again about it, that subject finding it's way to my ears.  I do know what to make of it and it is riveting to me.  This idea that has become reality for so many through the ages, and could be for any who would come to Him and believe.  He invites you to believe, and I invite you too.   The beauty of being one with God. This was His passion for us, to dwell/live in us.  Amazing!  Completely stag-ger-ing-ly amazing.  Think of it;   He is God and what does He really need in heaven or earth?  His desire is to have us as His own.  The singers of this song stay on the chorus so long that you almost begin to feel uneasy.......they just stay at it......just keep singing it.  "Come be the fire inside of me, come be the flame upon my heart, until You and I are one."  My heart has been singing this song for days and it delighted me to hear words and music that expressed it.    oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo John 17:23  I in them (us), and You in me........... Jesus' prayer to the Father.  That we would be one with Jesus and Jesus with the Father.   And because of His kindness He's been exposing the "hissing" that I often hear and sometimes believe.  Lies that keep me from Him and others.  Lies that say He doesn't want to be "this" close to you.  He loves you, but........ Or, those that say that I am not as capable, not as "called" to some works that I love, not full of wisdom and words to help others with , and the like.  The hissing that has made me hold back much of my life. 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
"If the enemy's voice is like hissing, then what can I call Your voice, my Father?"   A few days passing and I settle on  "whispers" and "coos" (like a dove).     Later while walking in prayer I heard Him say, "Stop".  Closing  my eyes, standing, waiting.........but nothing comes.  A rooster calls behind me, a song bird sang from the other side of the thicket.  I heard the sneeze of a goat,  a dog's happy bark, and more birds.  Nothing happened so I just stood, enjoying the sounds.  Opening my eyes, I walked on.  Later in the day, an email came with love from another began like this:    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo    Whispers  oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo     The man whispered, "God, speak to me" and a meadowlark sang. But the man did not listen.    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 
So the man yelled, "God, speak to me" and the thunder rolled across the sky. But the man did not listen.   oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
    The words went on in a similar way as the man begged to hear from God, but didn't have faith to accept God's voice in the many ways that He was answering him.     ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo   That beautiful VOICE....may we always hear it strong.  He in us and we in Him.   ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo     The voice of the Lord is upon the waters; the God of glory thunders; the Lord is upon many (great) waters. Psalm 29: 3 ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo      The voice of the Lord makes the hinds bring forth their young, and His voice strips bare the forests, while in His temple everyone is saying, Glory! Psalm 29: 9     ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo   The mighty One, God, the Lord, speaks and calls the earth from the rising of the sun to its setting. Psalm 50: 1      oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  And behold, the glory of the God of Israel came from the east and His voice was like the sound of many waters, and the earth shone with His glory. Ezekiel 43: 2   oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 

John 10:27

My sheep respond as they hear my voice; I know them intimately and they follow me. (The Voice Translation) 

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Encase You Ever Wonder Too.......The Story of the Lion

Some days the feeling that someone has been reading my mail- and reading my mind  creeps over me as I wonder how is it that everything I read that day seems to be threaded together w/ common theme and similar tone; the words in the Bible text, the book on the night stand, the blog of the lady I heard of, the email from a friend, the magazine at the doctor's office.   And I, taking all of the gathered words and announcing to myself a grand meaning, a hidden message unfolded, a clue to answering my questions, a loving Father reaching to me.  But, somewhere in a simmering corner of my heart....I I creating my own conversations with Him, or is He deliberately dialoguing with me? 

The word of God is like that....leaping from the crumpled page straight to heart and straight to soul; alive, miraculous, igniting a moment, just waiting to be believed on, but true whether we do, or not. 

And when I have watered the thicket where I pray with tears and the breeze has lifted and carried the sobs away, He asks me, "What did you come out here to see?" I don't have to pause for the answer
because I know I am there to hear Him, to see Him.  Is He really there, does He really hear me and answer back to me?  And I know a believer of these many years should know the answer to this........really does know, but wants to be reminded and to be affirmed.  Especially when the stakes seem high.

And when it's been days and I don't  understand the waiting or I can't comprehend the plan He has, my confidence wanes in the "I heards" and "I think God said" and I wonder, "Am I just a pretender after all?"  Is that voice that sounds like calm waters to me, really His?  Can I count on what I think I hear or is it all a dream created by a dreamer who so desperately wants a God that is always there inside my head with me?

I walk a bit further around the circular path thinking these thoughts, praying these prayers, asking those questions, wiping my tears;  angry, sad, longing.  I want to know for sure (again) ----today because there are big questions on my mind.

Setting sun peaks through the pine trees all orange like the few over ripe-peaches on the trees here, too high to pluck, and I walk around the trail again, my prayers entering that runner's stride.....The sadness lifts up and away and my mind focusing on thoughts that seem to come from somewhere deep within...that stride when your thoughts seem to become His thoughts too.  To faraway lands His power goes out, and to people down the street, and I thank Him for today and for the breeze that quenches the August heat, if but a little bit.  Now lifting away worry, His peace banishing the melts as if it were only butter in the pan.  How is this even possible for a worrisome girl of 45 years? used to the ruts her mind walks in.  

And then it began to happen. Around the south curve I prayed for a lion; a beast of courage and strength.  I prayed that lion-hearted courage would come to us and to our household head.  I prayed for the days I saw coming, that a lion's heart of courage would emerge in our home and in our circumstance and in this unique time for "us".  I prayed it for the one of us who leads our household...this husband of mine, this daddy of theirs.   Passing through the west curve, the sun hanging lower still and into the north curve I breezed, until just entering the east curve I heard a loud "ROAR"!  Hands flailing, startled from someone jumping from the tangled hedge of saw briar and honeysuckle vine.  I was startled, he was laughing at such a perfectly frightened reaction.  I pointed to him with "prophet's" palm and asked, "What are you?" But I already knew.  He roared again and held up menacing "paws"--- and I called out, "What are you?"  And his response answered those myriad of questions that had swelled to bursting, yet did nothing more than float away in His presence.  Is God inside my head with  me, listening, dialoguing, leading, guiding?  He answers me with one response from beside the honeysuckle vine;  "A Lion!"

---------On our journey towards adoption we've anxiously waited to understand God's plan and course of action to take.  Reviewing agencies, researching grants and fundraising, searching through orphan files for those that might look like Drains, some days  feeling like we've not taken even one step closer to the children we "see" in our minds eye.  But, God is  leading and I, letting go to fall into His plans whatever and where ever they take us.
Us getting finger printed for adoption through the state, but later feel lead towards international adoption. 

Thanks to all who've encouraged us in some way this week. I'm thinking of some who've commented on this blog and written notes on face book or email.  Some have shared their stories and helped me sort through.  I'm thinking of you all.   It may seem small to you, but is enormous to us. ! ♥